Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
