I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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