return my video game
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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