jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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