No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
