Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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