Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
