It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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