saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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