part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize