i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
