tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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