I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
