Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
