You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
