So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The Olympian is in my bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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