It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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