Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
