idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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