that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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