Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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