Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
