God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
