For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
