You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize