Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
