Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This toilet bowl is my home.
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