well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
