My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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