when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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