when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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