He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
