It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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