I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
