I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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