If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
