Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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