I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
