Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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