Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My ass is underappreciated
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
