There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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