she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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