at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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