Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
