I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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