Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
