it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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