I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
