I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
