whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
