i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
