On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
