If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
