i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They are going to name an STD after you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
