Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
