I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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