Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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