mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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