SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got inside last night via doggy door
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
