my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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