What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
