Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
