fuck your aforementioned shoe
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize