ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
