So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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