My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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