so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
