I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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