Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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