im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
